因为在神没有一件事是不可能的

My students are taking tests today. I don't know why because they already finished their finals. I think these tests are to help prepare them for university entrance exams. I just administered an English test. While they were taking the test I grabbed an extra copy and attempted it myself. The test is taken from a website called youacademy.co.kr and I have no idea how any of my students could pass something so ridiculous. Here are a couple sample questions taken from the test (I haven't changed a thing):

Choose the one that best completes the sentence.
They nodded wisely to each other and exchanged sagacious remarks.
A. indignant
B. perspicacious
C. imprudent
D. indescreet

Something that is sumptuous is luxurious or magnificent, and obviously very expensive.
A. opulent
B. contemptuous
C. lustrous
D. devastating

The refractory horse was eliminated from the race.
A. hirsute
B. tenacious
C. furry
D. fop

Select the one that best fills in the blank.
Mr You recalls from his childhood _________ skill on ice skates marked her as "Olympic material."
A. which a girl's
B. that a girl
C. a girl whose
D. a girl that
E. a girl who

Select the underlined part that is grammatically incorrect.
You do not own the beefsteak in the most important sense until you will consume it and get it into your bloodstream.

The test goes on and on with questions like that! About 60 questions on this. An average American couldn't pass this test.

These poor kids are struggling to describe what they ate for dinner last night and they get things like this thrown at them.

No wonder many of them just shut down when it comes to English. I would do the same if I were given tests like this.

Well, the guitar club I was going to do got turned into band club. Not the geeky band club you might be thinking of. I'm talking about drums, bass, vocals, distorted guitars, the works.

Everyone wants to be there. They were all helping each other and teaching each other new things. They are all so motivated that I don't have to do hardly anything. It's fantastic!

New rules passed down from the boss this semester. All us foreign teachers must be involved in a club. They say involved, but they mean in charge of.

Last semester I got stuck being in charge of the English Newspaper club, which was the worst thing I've been forced to do. Even worse than M1 in CCBC.

This semester they asked me to do it again. I politely explained that I would gladly put the paper together, but would not be involved in the club meetings because I was going to start a guitar class. They were actually a little excited about that and totally agreed.

Now I have to deal with room full of students making noise on guitars for two hours every other Friday. What have I gotten myself into...

Today is Pepero Day. For those of you in Japan, you may know today as Pocky Day. 11/11 looks like four sticks of Pepero lined up.

Pepero, or Pocky, are long thin cookie sticks dipped in chocolate.

Today is the day that boys, girls, and couples exchange Pepero sticks.

What does that mean?

Today is a day that I have to try to teach kids hopped up on 20 boxes on Pepero.

Not easy.

I did, however, get a few boxes of Pepero today!

So I have one of two nearly identical twins in one of my classes. On Wednesday they changed classes, so I had the other one who wasn't supposed to be in my class. Apparently he wanted to get his brother in trouble because he was being absolutely terrible. I didn't notice the switch. I gave him a fitting punishment which he didn't hand in the next day because he was in his proper class.

I got a note from him later that day confessing and apologizing. I think his brother forced him to write it to smooth things over.

So tomorrow they will both be with me at lunch writing an essay with two different color pens switching off every word. It's fit for trouble-making twins, isn't it?

I really miss being a student. I met some students on Sunday. They are studying Chinese at Yantai University. One of them is Japanese, the others are Korean. We all could only communicate because of Chinese. Well, the Japanese girl actually speaks fantastic English, but the Koreans couldn't so we stuck with Chinese.

It made me miss student life so much because they seemed so carefree. Talking about their homework, what teachers they liked and didn't like, helping each other with homework. Where as I have all these responsibilities. It made me really sad. I want that again.

Then I was thinking about what I would do if I ever were to go back to America. I have no skills, no degrees (worth anything), no training in anything! In China I'm an expert. But in America I'm nothing! How would I live? The real world is so harsh!

Suddenly I had this crazy thought. I have this golden opportunity. I'm living in China making a lot of money and my Chinese sucks. I make enough in 6 months of teaching (at my current job) to take six months off and still be able to to afford all my living costs on top of tuition if I live simply.

But at that rate it would take 8 years for a B.A. So I need another way to make it work. But I'm seriously considering not renewing my contract and going back to school. I live right across the street from the University and my house is paid up for almost a year from now. If I don't live on campus I think tuition is pretty cheap. So I'm going to look into it.

The only down side is that it would take a lot away from my winter travel plans. I would probably find some part time work or something and have to give up traveling.

My point is that if I ever decide to go back to America I would have a very good skill if I had a degree in Chinese with the fluency to go with it. Translation, teaching, whatever. Maybe even study some business and go into something like that... I don't want to be stuck digging ditches if I ever go back.

That said, I probably won't ever go back for more than a visit.

Today was sports day for the mid and high school students. The elementary students had sports day on Saturday while we were in class doing the classes that should have occurred today. Working on Saturday sucks.

For anyone who knows me, a "sports day" sounds like my worst nightmare. (Actually I had a dream I punched one of my students the other night. I don't know why, he's a good student... Heh heh.)

It turned out to be fun. There were all kinds of fun things for the kids. Soccer, basketball, volleyball, badminton, tug of war, and for some reason, karaoke.

I was asked to bring my camera and take some pictures for the next English school newspaper. So I didn't even have to play any sports! Oodles of fun. I'll say one thing though, sports photography is hard! I read a little bit about it to get some ideas. One of the big tips was to keep both eyes open instead of closing one eye to look through the view finder. That way you can use your peripheral vision to catch what else is going on and keep an eye out for a good shot. Also, your eyes don't get as tired after hours of looking though the camera. But really, I'm telling you, sports photography is hard.

As always you can click any photo to see it in all it's glory.

Tomorrow and Friday i don't have to work! Yes, I can finally do all the things i've been wanting to do — like sleep. Actually, I may take a trip to another nearby city. Either Penglai or Qingdao. My camera will, of course, accompany me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go figure out how to yell at my maid for breaking my electric shaver.

It's about time that I put up some pictures of the school. Today was absolutely beautiful so I thought it was as good as any to take my camera to school. I took so many pictures. These are just a few of the ones I like. I may put some more up later.

I love my job.

Life is so unreal sometimes. I feel like I'm in some incredible dream. Without that annoying alarm to mess it all up. Just when I think things have gotten as good as they can get — which happens quite often — they just get better.

I'll be perfectly honest and say that I don't write - publicly - about 80% of what happens out here. No matter how much I explained it and how much I wrote about it there is no doubt in my mind that it would be misinterpreted. You can take the little controversial bits of what I write and multiply it by ten and that might come close to what you don't get to read.

But what I will tell you is something pretty awesome. On Easter Sunday I was given the chance to lead worship and teach in the Korean church I go to. There is a Korean teacher I work with that plays piano very well, she actually plays there every week. I was surprised by how good she is! I've only played with maybe two or three people who can really pick things up and sound good. She's the third. As for teaching, apparently the pastor liked it because he asked if he could put me on a regular rotation with a couple other pastors.

Work is a bit crazy. Don't get me wrong I love my students, but sometimes they cross a line. This week I've cracked down a bit. They don't like it. Then there is the administration — which is completely ridiculous. They told all of us today that we need to turn in a class schedule for the entire year by the end of the week! That gives me three days to create five different lesson plans for the whole year. On top of my regular lesson planning, teaching, and wild partying.

So there's 20% of my life over the last week. Take it for what it's worth.

Go read about Tibet on CNN.

Then pray.

I've been extremely sick for the last two weeks. Not to mention the headaches that I have been causing my user.

I would like to know how it is possible for you to make such a poor operating system the most commonly used worldwide? How am I expected to function properly when, before my user has time to download anti-virus software, I am infected with a virus that causes me to reboot every two minutes? If I don't happen to get infected with that particular virus I am infected with one that prevents the installation of any new software, making it impossible to download anything to get rid of my virus. Your operating system was reinstalled at least 10 times over the last 10 days. You can imagine how this hindered my user's productivity at work.

The only reason I am able to write you this letter is because my wonderful user has installed Ubuntu. Linux has saved my life and saved hours of headaches for my user. Thank you for making such a backwards, difficult, ugly operating system that forced my user to switch to Linux.

Sincerely,
Mark's Work Computer

The first week of classes is over. It's still really chaotic. I'm hoping that next week things will calm down. Once that happens I can deal with lesson plans and all that jazz.

The building is a stinking icebox though! It's really cold outside still and the office is colder than it is outside. We go outside to warm up, that's just wrong.

I teach five different classes. 7a, 8b, 9b, 10b, and 10e. For English they separate the students into different levels, a, b, c, d, and e. My 7a class is really a joy to teach. They enjoy English and are motivated to study... half the time. My 10e class is a whole different story. They sit there staring at me with a look that says, "Oh, so you think you're going to make me learn English? Just try it, pal."

I get on the bus at 7:10 in the morning and get to school at about 8:10. School starts at 8:30 and finishes at 4:20. So I get on the bus to go home around 4:40 and get home at about 5:15. For the next 5 weeks I'm teaching an after school class until 6:10 every Monday. The next five Mondays will be long.

Overall I think it's going to be a great year.

I must admit. I'm having second thoughts about whether I made the right decision in moving to my new school. The past three days have been nothing but chaos. School hasn't even started and two of the other English teachers are already calling other schools.

Here's the deal. A couple of the teachers made up a very complicated, very successful schedule for this school's English program. Then out of nowhere, three days before classes start, some guy wants to change it to something that doesn't work. He doesn't know it doesn't work because he wasn't working at the school when they realized it was crap. I won't bore you with specifics.

He doesn't listen to reason. So we just tossed our hands up and said he could do whatever and we would just teach anything he gave us. Apparently I will be teaching a TOEFL* course, something I'm not qualified for in the slightest, and a few other English courses. The other teachers are not happy with their schedule either.

In any case, the news reached the principal and vise principal and they wondered why in the world he was trying to change everything! They agreed that all the teachers had already made an excellent plan for the English program.

So now, after preparing to teach TOEFL, everything might change again. Classes start on Tuesday and I have no idea what I'm teaching. I'll just assume I'm teaching TOEFL and some general English classes unless somebody tells me otherwise.

But I can't forget. I have Sundays off. That alone is enough to make up for all of this.


*Test of English as a Foreign Language. It's very important for students that want to go to top universities or study abroad.

Maybe not exactly bigger or better. I am moving on though. Today was my last day at my current school. I have enjoyed working there and will miss it — a little bit. I will miss some of my students and co-workers. I won't miss the strange hours and complete lack of communication.

I was a bit disappointed that about half of my students were absent because of the coming holiday. Not too bothered, mind you. A couple of my students today were absolutely gutted when I told them at the end of class that I wouldn't see them after the holiday. Then I
had to explain that I rarely stay in one place very long. It's become a habit to make a big change every 8 or 10 months. They asked me if I had some secret that I was afraid people would find out about if i stayed in one place too long. I told them I'm running away but I wouldn't tell them from what. I have to remain mysterious.

I'm also a bit bummed that I never took any pictures with them. Then again, I'm not too bummed.

I'll be going to work at a Korean high school down town. It should be a bit more challenging. It will give me more reliable hours so that i can actually have a life apart from work. I won't have to work on Sunday! And the pay raise won't hurt at all.

I don't start at my new job until the 27th.

So here's to a long holiday!

I'm going to paint, write, play, photograph, read, and generally be a bum for 23 days.

(Oh, I also met a Pastor today. That's cool.)

There is a serious lack of communication between the principal and the teachers at my school. Don't get me wrong, I like my job. But sometimes I'm kept a little too much on my toes.

On Tuesday and Friday night I teach a children's class. Eight little monsters that I'm expected to not only teach English, but control. The latter being immensly more difficult than the former. This Friday was a special Friday though. It was the day when the little monster's bigger, scarier, parental monsters get to watch my class.

I, however, was completely unaware of this.

Friday evening comes around. I'm tired and prepared for a normal chaotic class when I walk in and find all the children sitting nicely in their chairs with all their parents sat behind them. No one is fighting, no one is making swords by stacking their markers up, no one is cleaning the floor with their stomach. They're just sat there watching me. Like humans.

Still in shock from the big monsters behind the little ones I excused myself from the room to make a phone call to my boss. After letting her know that I was not happy about this surprise I went in to teach.

I really don't mind the parents sitting in, I just ignore them anyway, but I do need some warning. The thing is that because the children are so well behaved in front of their parents I run through the material I've prepared twice as fast. If they were as obnoxious as usual I wouldn't go through it so fast. So in front of all the big monsters I had to BS about half the class.

I was not happy.

I play a game with some of the 5 year olds I teach. I give them different commands (run, walk, jump, ride a bike, sleep, eat, etc) and than yell out freeze. The first one to move gets knocked out and the game continues. The winner gets a sticker. heh

Sometimes I have to say freeze over and over before they stop. Not because they don't understand, but they just don't want to be still. They want a different command.

I'm so much like that. I can be still, but I don't want to. I can imagine God's frustration with us when we are running, eating, working, and generally living life while He is saying over and over, "be still!"

So the other day I went to the beach to be still.

• I rediscovered how nice it is to have complete peace.
• I read and I prayed. And it was good.
• I learned that Simon & Garfunkle is fantastic photography music.
• And I found an excellent coffee shop.

I don't know what it is with Chinese people. But they think if you are 23 and don't have a girlfriend there is something wrong. Every day for the last two weeks I've had total strangers ask me if I have a girlfriend. They are then totally blown away when I say no. They ask why, of course. When I tell them girls are too much trouble they offer to introduce me to some pretty girl. (Like I don't have enough trouble without them trying help.)

Today I was told by the headmaster of the public school we did a little volunteering at that they have many pretty teachers she could introduce me to. She was obviously referring to the girl sat next to me who was the English teacher at their school.

My response is always the same: wo bu yao!

Maybe it is time I stop being lazy and date someone though.

I get asked out nearly every week anyway.

(I will post about the volunteering later, hopefully when I get pictures. I was dressed up as Santa. I looked like a pikey alcoholic Santa… It was great!)

There are so many funny, amusing, random things that happen in China. I've decided to dedicate a Monday post to them. So keep coming back every Monday for the next silly thing that's happened.

This one takes place in one of the classes I teach. It's an hour and a half long adult's class. There is one middle-aged married couple (the wife seems to stare at the other teacher's crotch through the whole class he teaches, or so he tells me.), a seventeen year old kid who take almost every class at the school, and a young adult that works at a hotel during the day and a members-only Japanese snack bar at night (sketchy...). Quite an interesting class.

We chatted and studied for the first forty minutes, took a ten minute break, then studied and played a game for the last forty minutes. This happened during the game.

I don't even know what the game is called, it's the game where one person thinks of a word and everyone else asks yes/no questions to try to figure out the word.

It was the middle-aged wife's turn. The conversation went something like this, though a bit more drawn out. Add some extra grammar mistakes, me interrupting them with corrections, and bits of Chinese and you'd have tonight's game.

Me: Is it alive?
Wife: No.
Kid: Is it a noun?
Wife: No.
Snack Bar Girl: It is an adjective?
Wife: No.
Kid: Is it a verb?
Wife: Yes!
Kid: Do you do it in sports?
Wife: No.
Husband: Do you do it at home?
Wife: No.
Kid: Can everyone is this room do it?
Wife: No.
Kid: Huh?
(Then they broke the rules.)
Wife: Me, Husband, Snack Bar Girl, and Mark can do it.
Kid: Not me?
Wife: No.
(We all scratched our heads for a bit.)
Kid: Have sex?

We all just about died laughing. A good end to a looooong day.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that the word she was thinking of was work.

What on earth do you do in a three hour class with no book and one student. Maybe two.

???